E.T. fone home

Current Mood: Contemplative & Sad

Rescued. I guess that’s the word that can summarize my relationship with him. I rescued him physically but I got rescued emotionally and psychologically.

He showed me love, he showed me respect, he showed me joy.

In 2004, our relationship started. I was driving in the car and I saw him walking along the street, all alone, but he was not worried at all, and doesn’t even look lost. I stopped my car and called out to him. He came and I held him. No one else came to us, so I brought him home.

From then, my rescue started. Silver showed me unconditional love, unyielding loyalty, unquestioning understanding and unfaltering trust.

Silver always trusted in his humans to take care of him and even when it hurt him to get his ears cleaned, he always took it without hating us, albeit in a very noisy fashion.

Over the years, Silver has grown closer to me and taken a place in my heart that few has made it to. Having moved to the US and worked there for a couple of years, I have always missed Silver. This time I went back to Singapore and realized that Silver is still there for me. Something hit me. I tried to enjoy my time with him and forget the limited time I have with him, but when I was leaving, I was holding him in my arms with him sleeping. I started to miss him so bad.

When I got to the airport, Silver was in the car. He knew I was leaving, and I looked into his eyes. What I saw ripped me into shreds.

“You’re leaving again?! It’s okay, I understand. You have to do what you have to do. Just remember, I will always be here for you when you get back. Take your time, and I will be here when you get back. I love you.” *Tail wag*. I was holding him so tight.

That was it. I have to do something. Damn stupid dog that I love so much!

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Current Mood: Animated & Playful & Animated & Playful & Animated & Playful & Animated & Playful & Animated & Playful & Animated & Playful & Animated & Playful

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Current Mood: Contemplative

Treat me kindly my beloved friend, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me learn.

Speak to me often, for your voice is the world’s sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.

Please take me inside when it is cold and wet for I am a domesticated animal, no longer accustomed to bitter elements. I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth.

Keep my pan filled with fresh water for I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst.

Feed me clean food that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger.

And, my friend, when I am very old, and I no longer enjoy good health, hearing and sight, do not make heroic efforts to keep me going. I am not having any fun. Please see that my trusting life is taken gently. I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands.

A Dog’s Plea - Author Unknown

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I just finished reading Marley and Me. The ending of the book was one of the hardest reading that I had to do. I couldn’t read more than 10 pages at a time.

The book recounted the trials, tribulations and tumultuous moments of having a dog, and a dumb one at that. But it is through this very dog that showed the readers the unshakable and unwavering loyalty that a dog has for it’s master. He patiently awaits the return of his master and regardless of you being gone for 5 mins or 5 days, he is always happy to see you.

The dog’s ability to enjoy each day with child like innocence and playfulness should remind every human being to grasp and enjoy each day, to appreciate what you have in the present. A dog doesn’t live in the past or in the future, it lives for the now. Many of us are unable to do that and I think we have much to learn from our canine companions.

The final chapters narrates the sunset days of Marley. Even in their retirement, dogs have this ability to continue to remain loyal to their masters, to the point that they are willing to suffer the pains and ailments to be at their master’s side. My dogs have yet to reach that time, but it begs the question, when the time comes and I see them suffering, what am I to do? They have become part of me and part of my family. Losing them is going to be hard, but it’s an inevitability that I will have to face fo rit’s the natural order of things that humans outlive dogs.

When the time comes, I can be sure that it will be the hardest decision that I will have to make, but I can only hope that when I do have to decide, I can be at my buddy’s side to say farewell and send him off to doggy heaven where all dogs will go (even then unstables ones).

Current Mood: Contemplative

Life’s pointless isn’t it? We are born, we grow up, we procreate and then we die.

I mean, that’s pretty much it. That’s all. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s all really pointless isn’t it? We can just skip to the dying part, it’s more interesting that way.

That’s the same with life in general isn’t it? People come and people leave. What’s the point in even getting to know people? It’s all pointless. You make friends and then they leave you, sometimes without a word. It’s just pointless.

There’s no point in life, and no point in living because it all leads to the same ending. Separation and death. So since it all leads to the same ending, why do we go through the motions when the inevitable end is always the same. Death.

We might as well skip the pointless and tedious motions of the between and jump to the end. Much easier and none of the pointless activities.

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Current Mood: Amused

For some unbeknownst reason, I was influenced by the cosmic powers of the Internet to check Google Maps for my address today.

My house now exist on the maps and it’s the only map so far that I can find my house on. Woot!

Map Link

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Current Mood: Sickly & Vexed

Okay, this is creeping me out. I don’t mind bugs, but when they encroach on my life so much, I begin to hate them, especially ones that can potentially harm you.

I fell seriously ill over the weekend, running temperatures of over 38 degrees Celsius (or about 103 degrees Fahrenheit). When I saw the doctor on Monday, she was being cautious and began to treat me for Lyme’s disease, just to be on the safe side since I got an insect bite that resulted in rashes a couple of weeks back. And as some people might know, Lyme’s disease is commonly spread through tick bites.

Tonight, as I was in my garage arranging some tools and gathering some equipment for some home improvement, I noticed a spider’s nest below my room mate’s bike. Upon closer inspection, I see what I think is Black Widow. Of course, the lighting was bad, and I can’t seem to find the distinctive red hourglass marking, but I decided that I should play it safe and not touch it. I found my can of bug spray and hosed it down. It ran away of course, but fortunately, I managed to get it before it ran out of sight.

When it finally keeled over, I gathered up the body (not with my bare hands of course), and checked it out. Indeed it had the red markings and it still twitched a little. It got squashed and disposed off.

Hence you see, my brushes with arachnids hasn’t been too pleasant these recent days and I surely hope that I don’t need to see other arachnids that are capable of inflicting harm and pain, like scorpions.

This is enough for now and I can say I have now seen a Black Widow and not get bitten. I don’t want to see a Brown Recluse, but knowing my luck, I might.

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Current Mood: Accomplished & Animated & Determined

Work has been crazy, life has been crazy, getting a house, getting a dog, but all in all, it’s been a wonderful journey. I feel like I can finally be myself, to do the things that I want, to be myself so to speak. I no longer live in the shadow of my brother, no longer try to fulfill the expectations of others and having to follow to what people think what is best for me.

Certain things still haunt me from the past, the passing up on being a vet. Don’t get me wrong, I am not angry or resentful. I don’t hate my brother, my family or anyone. I feel just a little regret and somewhere at the back of my mind, a little intrigued about how life would have turned out if I was allowed to be myself then. Would things be different? Would I have a family now and be all settled? I don’t hate my life now or anyone. I just feel that I want my family and friends to see the real me now. The one that I am happy being, well, at least for the time being.

I guess I just got lost
being someone else.
I tried to kill the pain,
but nothing ever helped.
I left myself behind,
somewhere along the way
hoping to come back around
to find myself someday

Would you one time
let me be myself
and let me be me.

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Current Mood: Annoyed & Frustrated & Sad

This week is filled with antagony. First my brother called me up from Singapore and accused me of cutting my family out.

While it’s true that I don’t call home often, I don’t consider that cutting out. Even if he felt that it is, his tone was sure not one that’s conciliatory but more antagonistic. To me, he was out looking for a fight. He is coming up to the US for work and wants me to head up to NYC to meet him for 1 day. It’s an expensive trip, but I told him I will see what I can do about my schedule.

3 days later, he calls me up and says that I told him nothing. I said that I was busy and I had to check with other people that I am supporting if they needed me. I have been taking a lot of vacation time and it’s not right to leave people high and dry even though I CAN take vacation. I was also trying to plan a NY trip to meet a customer/partner so that I can make it a work trip and save on airfare. But to be accused of doing nothing and him only believing that I did nothing and did not care because he didn’t know the entire background, I was fuming. Then of course, he will say that I don’t inform him of what I am doing… There’s no winning this argument.

Today, I had an online chat that hurt me. This person wanted to believe a certain thing and be angry at me for it is easier to hate than to forgive/forget. I felt that I had things that I said twisted against me and even though how hard I try to give the person space, it’s taken in a different context.

I hate conflict and I had enough of that growing up. I don’t know what spurred these 2 people that I care a lot about to say things like that. Maybe I’ve hurt them and does that justify hurting people back? This has been a draining week. I don’t hate my brother or this person. I just need to walk away from this for a week or so.

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